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Rewriting Fear

December 30, 2017

I’ve struggled this week. It’s the most time off I’ve had since May, and while having this time and space has felt very luxurious, it’s also been marked with guilt, fear, and anxiety.

 

I find myself writing things I’m proud of in the moment, only to hesitate to share them. I make excuses. I talk myself out of it. Sometimes I’ll rewrite a draft to soften my opinion, afraid to alienate people I’ve never met.

 

What if my writing’s not good enough?

 

What if people don’t like it?

 

It’s remarkably easy to delay ever trying, because surely no one really wants to hear what I have to say.

 

What could I possibly even contribute?

 

I’m not doing enough. I’m not working on my business enough. I am not enough.

 

 

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My chest tightens, and I feel my self-belief start to crumble beneath me. A warmth behind my eyes promises the imminent arrival of tears.

 

If I’m going to rewrite anything, it’s that story.

 

Your worth is not dictated by the things you do, the tasks you complete, or what you accomplish. Your worth is inherent, fully realized the moment your life began. It is non-negotiable, unconditional, and utterly immutable. 

 

This morning I slept in without worrying about how it would impact the things I felt I should do, because what I actually needed was freedom from my own harsh expectations.

 

I let myself rest, my mind drifting as I listened to the pouring rain outside. As I imagined it washing away my fear, I smiled, so grateful for the peaceful perfection of the moment.

 

Stop worrying, breathe, and when you're ready, go do the thing.

 

You are enough.

 

 

 

 

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